There’s not a soul among us impervious to the ‘back to school’ sensation that September brings. Fight it or feel it, you can’t deny it. It’s a whole new term, on our terms. Another bite at the apple – a chance to do it right this time. As we glance back over our shoulder and wave goodbye to summer, we feel a collective optimism that never wanes, regardless of age. September is unscuffed shoes. September is a fresh blank page – a Biro with an unchewed lid. September means new stuff, new friends. September is a wise old owl – it knows the dark nights and mornings are coming. So, to keep us onboard with the shift in tempo, it winks and whispers, “not long now, ‘till bloody Christmas!” (can’t believe I dropped the C-bomb).
Should we welcome the colder weather? Gleefully pack away the shorts? Padlock the lid down on balmy heatwave BBQs and bid farewell to sitting outside on the grass without getting a soggy arse? What’s wrong with us? Surely we need to cling to every last morsel of warmth, revel in golden hour selfies and enjoy putting the bins out in flip flops? Is there a collective guilty conscience about saying ‘adios’ to July and August? Is September just for people who like polo
necks and watching Tim Burton films under a blanket?
Let’s look at the positives. Jumpers look miles better with the remnants of a suntan. There’s something infinitely Ivy League about slightly golden skin next to knitwear. It screams, “I’m successful, I safeguard my leisure time but still take my studies seriously”. Socks bring much needed relief to those whose feet are, frankly, minging, after a summer of city stomping in Birkenstocks. Keep your corns to yourselves please, lads.
We can finally unfurl our favourite woolly numbers and see what the moths have been up to. Everyone knows how those little shits love nothing more than a 3 month holiday in your underbed storage boxes, chomping down on your cashmere and merino. Then there’s the Big Coat decision – a hefty emotional undertaking for most men in September. When’s the right time to bring it out of retirement? Has yours seen better days? Your puffa lost its puff? Your
Crombie looking crumbly? That workwear staple giving threadbare workhouse vibes? Come on! If ever there was an excuse to get a new one, it’s now!
How’s about the daily Met Office weather check? That’s another thing that keeps us on our toes as we roller-boot towards Halloween and Bonfire Night. Reassuringly though, we’re not the only ones who moan or use it as a smalltalk starting point in the back of an Uber. British friends living in Los Angeles actually complain about the weather over there too – or rather, the lack of seasons (the cheeky swines!). For us stuck here in Blighty, Autumn means meteorological
roulette.
The universe chucks it all at us in September. Rain that comes down like ‘stair-rods’ (one to Google if you’ve never heard the phrase. It’s popular up ‘ere in Yorkshire). Weird muggy afternoons that confuse us into thinking it’s time to sleep with the windows open again. Gazing out to see trees looking proper 1970s with their brown and orangey September splendour.
Going bonkers for conkers. They’re all tied into that back to school shift deeply ingrained in our collective psyche. Zip up your pencil case and get crackin’.