Cole Palmer’s stonking goal at the Euro 2024 Final was so bloody good it (almost) doesn’t matter that we didn’t win the trophy. At 6ft 2 inches, the 22-year-old beanpole is touted as one of Europe’s best players and despite a disappointing result for the England team this time, this lad’s supreme talent should give the lot of us some hope for the World Cup in 2026. That two-year breather should give the squad enough time to get practicing – and who knows, now that mullets are back in force, maybe even New Order could be convinced to give us a remix of ‘World in Motion’? Pretty sure I’m not the only one who thinks John Barnes could have had a decent solo rapping career. Anyways...
Always worth remembering that there’s more to life than football. Look at Wimbledon! Once a year since 1877, all eyeballs are on the District line’s sportiest tube spot. What makes it so ‘British’ (if that’s even a real thing) aside from strawberries & cream, Pimms etc, is the fact that it’s the only major tennis tournament still played on grass. Old school. And nowadays, with that snazzy retractable roof over the Centre Court, even the traditional (shitty) British summer doesn’t stop play. The prim, white, ‘properness’ of Wimbledon has, in the past, been put to the test with yesteryear icons like John McEnroe turning the air blue and smashing a few rackets in the midst of mid-game rage. I kinda miss those days TBH. Now it’s all drug tests and Tom Cruise in the crowd.
If whacking a ball over a net isn’t your thing, you can always tune into the Olympics, which kicks off in Paris on 26 July. The first games I remember clearly were the 1984 ones, held in Los Angeles, when Daley Thompson won gold for the Decathlon (really showing my age here, FFS). Thompson-mania culminated in him having a flippin’ computer game developed in his honour – the aptly named ‘Daley Thompson’s Decathlon’, which was released in the wake of his Los Angeles triumph. We nagged for the game and then spent the next year getting repetitive strain
injury from playing it on our Commodore 64. Good times.
This year’s Olympics are a bit spicier than usual, with a (well overdue) sporting update. Breaking is finally included in the brand-new categories for 2024. A slice of pure 1970s street-dance culture from the Bronx, B-Boys and B-Girls are now able to compete on the world dance-battle stage. What spins this competition on its head (LOL) is that the breakers have no idea what music they’ll be breaking to. With no way of prepping moves in line with the beat, they’ll be improving for every round. Judged on six criteria: creativity, personality, technique, variety, performativity and musicality, each breaker has 60 seconds to windmill their way to a medal. I wonder if they need to bring their own scrap of kitchen lino?
Skateboarding is back for the second time (it made its debut at the delayed Tokyo Olympics). Another subculture street sport developed initially in the US, things really kicked off worldwide in the 1980s. In Paris this summer, skaters will perform three 45 second ‘runs’ on specially designed courses with handrails and a decoy granny to knock over (only kidding!). Unlike out there in the wild, at the Paris Games they can ollie away without anybody bollocking them for scratching the hell out of city centre infrastructure. Mayors all around the world can breathe a sigh of relief.